Simon speaks Racketlon – from Costa Rica

Unfortunately I couldn’t be at the Racketlon Doubles World Championships this year because I was taking a holiday in beautiful Costa Rica. Fortunately I met a larger than life character called Raymondo, who from a distance in the tropical rainforest looked like a great jungle beast. He turned out to be a loveable rogue, rather like Baloo the Bear. And this is what he had to say about Racketlon…

Simon: What is your name?

Raymondo: My name is Raymondo Andres Jordines and I am from Costa Rica. I grow up in Santa Elena, where the Cloud Forest is very beautiful because the mountains are high and in the clouds.

Simon: It is very beautiful here but so remote. How did you first hear about Racketlon?

Raymondo: I heard about Racketothon from some tourists. I think they was double partners from Dane-mark. They drinking and saying “skol!” a lot

[he motions a drinking fist with a high cheers action]

and they like to be in the sun too much even when they have the hair so blonde and even the girls are so tall [he gestures with a full arm outstretch]

My school has the ping pong already and here we all know Miguel Angel Rodgriguez and Mr Roy Gingell and we can play tennis on our soccer pitch on Thursdays but i do not know the bagmington???

Simon: This is a shuttlecock used in badminton

Raymondo: Ah Si, i comprehend now. But this is no good. It is too white and boring. In Costa Rica we have many many pretty birds with iridescent blue, green and red feathers. I think I can do bagmington better when I can make a colourful macaw feather ball, no problemo

Simon: How do you improve and train?

Raymondo: Train??? What do you mean train? Like a long long line of bus eh? No, No, No there are no train in Costa Rica, we have plenty motorbikes and Uber Taxis but Uber is not legal allow in Costa Rica. No need to train

Simon: What are your goals for next season?

Raymondo: Here we have no seasons. We are equator country so every day is very beautiful, but i know what you mean [he smiles a cheeky smile, his sparkling white teeth glinting below those dark bushy eyebrows].

I want to improve my jumping and diving skills like Miguel and the tourist – the big Dane-mark man with zero hair on top. I think if I could dive like these guys I would be No 1 in Costa Rica for Racketothon.

And also for next season I am training my Passion: in Costa Rica we are very happy and easy which is a very good thing. But not for Racketothon. I need my passion to be boiling over like the Arenal Volcano in La Fortuna. Like the other Dane-mark tourist friend who has hair. The darker hair on the head but still go in the sunshine too much. He has many many passion that I want. I want to bend my rackets like he does [Raymondo grabs a sugar cane and snaps it clean in two] When I play with this passion no one can beat me at the Racketothon and even the North America gringo like Patricio cannot equal me, Raymondo Andres Jordines from Santa Elena and Costa Rica of the Central Americas will be higher than North America even though geographically I accept that Central America is South of North America but North of South America but these are just arbitary directions in the terms of celestial spatial directions,eh ! [he winks knowlingly, just 1 dark eyebrow weighing heavily on 1 side of his head]

Simon: What do you see for the future of Racketlon?

Raymondo: The future for Racketothon is good. Very good. The cuatro combination of the ping pong, bagmington, squash and tennis already completely cover the skill of the racket player. No need to include pickleball – it does not add anything more [he shrugs and gestures and pauses and then a smile lights his face, those bushy eyebrows raised in excitement] unless we let pickle the dog join in the play too. I think that is why the creators found it funny and good laugh but now the crazy pickle people forget the dog and the game is missing badly for it [Raymondo sighs sadly and the eyebrows drop again] You not agree with me??

And the Racketothon already have plenty of the “thon” part – the marathon part. No need to add the Racketball to extend the rally length, If you want to extend the rally length why we not say the new rule “I must hit to you and you must hit to me”. Then we can have long rally, but then the rally is 48, 49, 50 shots. Who cares anymore? I can referee and i can go to sleep for 5 minutes. Ah no, Racketball not necessary for Racketothon – its plenty perfect already [big Raymondo smile, but then furrowed huge brow, huge underlined !]

Oh uno momento – there is one thing. Please tell me why the Sports Bag can only fit 12 rackets in? We need a special Racketothon bag for more than 16 rackets, i think no? I know its bigger than my Grandma’s house in Santa Elena but if I have the 12 racket bag where put the massage gun and charger cable and the foam roller? And my red left indoor sport shoe and blue right outdoor shoe combinations. Where can I fit them all? It is only logical improvement to have special Racketothon bag.

But please, por favor, I ask you very nicely. I know you love your bags more than Costa Coffee but please donta putta the bag on the best spectator seats. When I come all the way from beautiful Costa Rica to watch the Racketothon I will sit on your precious bag and not care. I can watch the best Racketothon matches from up high and be taller than Roy Gingell referee chair !!

Pura Vida my Racketothon amigos !

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